I guess as they say the good times usually outweigh the bad times, but it just seems the bad times are getting more and more frequent here lately. I talk with my friends about it and they all just look at me like my child has two heads or something. I guess none of their kids have fits like this. But at least it's comforting to talk with some of you and hear your kind words. It's nice to know I'm not the ONLY mom out there with a difficult child. And I know my child isn't by no means the worst. But maybe some parents can handle things better than Jonathan and I can. The kids have been a huge strain on our marriage for the last couple of years. I couldn't tell you the times I thought Jonathan was just going to pack up his bags and hit the road. And here lately, I hate to say it, but I've kind of felt the same way.

Jonathan's mom left him and his brother when he was 2 and was never heard from again. Then the cycle continued when Jonathan's brother died and his girlfriend left their 3 kids behind after he had been gone for two years. They are now being adopted by some family members. I thank God that they are being well taken care of and I know now that we would have never made it if we had taken the boys. Our marriage is having a hard time surviving our own kids. If we had added 3 more boys to the mix, we both would probably be in our graves right now. But you don't know how guilty I feel at times thinking about them and how we didn't take them. But I know they are in really good hands and being well taken care of. As a matter of a fact, we are going to go see them while we are in Florida next month. They probably won't even remember who we are. I know the baby won't. But maybe the oldest one will.